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11/30/2006

Ok, it's official. I'm old. :( Not really, but I'm coming up on the big 3-0 and it really makes you start thinking about your life. I feel like my youth has been misspent. Not entirely, but I have regrets that I don't want to effect the rest of my life. I don't want to feel like I never tried what I should have. I'm trying to do what I can to identify the things that are holding me back and get them out of my way. I'm my worst and most dangerous enemy. It's pretty sad the things that I have done to myself, and what I've made myself go through, the things I have lost because I've thrown them away (figuratively). I don't blame myself entirely, but ultimately I make my life more miserable than anyone else does. For the most part people like me, they believe in me and think I'm talented. I'm just hanging on to things that make me feel bad about myself. I really need to stop.

I think one of my biggest talents is the ability to create analogy. I don't really need to be creating a story about what it's about, it can be about something else, but reflect the feelings of the author, something real and meaningful. I guess that's what fantasy is about, it's a way to symbolically deal with the feelings you are trying to deal with, not just stating them outright. I used to come up with great ideas all the time for stuff. I need to do that again. I need to believe in them and follow through. I am having a crisis of faith with myself. I used to believe in myself and I stopped. I think faith is a hard thing to get back. How do you start believing in something you've given up on?
2 comments

11/25/2006

I haven't blogged in so long my friends are bitching at me so I decided to update. I've been semi-miserable recently. Just thinking heavy stuff and what-not, I've been pretty down.

Some positive things going on though. I think I'm close to having the main page of a web site I am starting designed, which is an encouraging thing. I'm getting a roommate which should help out with rent a little and it will be nice having someone else around once in a while. I'm even looking again at getting a terabyte of fault-protected RAID storage set up for myself sometime in the near future. I have soooo much stuff burned on DVD that I can just feel rotting away into oblivion. I hope that I can salvage it all when I finally get a storage solution initiated.

I did play the PS3 a bunch last weekend and a lot of DOAX2. I enjoyed what I played of Resistance, though it is derivative, it's still fun and very nice looking. Played some Gears of War also. The combat style is fun, though I could see it being frustrating single player (I'm playing co-op with a friend). The graphics are very nice, though the story is a little lacking. It seems the main character has some back story, but we don't know what it is. It sort of feels like just moving from point A to point B right now, of course that's probably 90% of FPS out there.

I've been doing some Christmas shopping, online and off which is fun. Not like last year when I did not have a credit card and was broke as hell. :(
8 comments

11/16/2006

I am still sick. :( It may be wearing off a little though. I don't have as bad a headache or sore throat waking up this morning. Just a lot of blowing my nose and coughing up stuff. >_< *cough* I went to work for a few hours last night. I'm not missing a bunch of work because of this thankfully.

This weekend is for goofing off though, the PS3 comes out! Yay! Because of my efforts preordering a system for them from Gamestop, one of my friends is going to be getting it tomorrow. I'll be picking it up with him in the morning and we will check it out some then. I also took the weekend off so much playing will ensue.

He also got the new DOAX2 game for 360 which I played some of the other night. Very much like the last one, even the graphics, but they added tweaks to the game play, and additional game play that makes the game more varied and fun. I like the jet skiing as an easy diversion, though it was a little frustrating at first. The pool hopping is a little more challenging and competitive, I think I liked it better before. The gambling is better, which is my favorite part of the game. I pretty much play it like DOAX Casino, not DOAX Volleyball. ;) You at least get to see a portrait of the players at the table which is a little more engaging than last time. Plus I can actually do ok at blackjack which is impressive. Apparently the slot machines can pay out for you too, though I got pwned by one the other night. The butt battle is friggin hard, and so is the water slide so far. We haven't been able to make it down the slide once without flinging a girl off to her assumed tree-smashing, bone-crunching demise. Haven't tried tug-of-war or the foot race yet.
3 comments

11/14/2006

So I guess when I have more time I'm not as exhausted, I'm just sick and more depressed. :( I've been sick for a couple of days now. Had a fever, but that has gone down, just feeling congested, achey, tired, etc... I'm concerned with the state of affairs regarding my life right now, but I think I just need to sort out my feelings a little. I might just be scared trying some new things, etc.

Good news on Lady Sword. I do officially have technical help on the project, a font has been inserted and a hack has been created to make it easier for me to play through the game and check my translation. All that's left is for me to acctually finish the translation and edit it, and then it will need to be compressed and reinserted. None of which are necessarily small feats, but progress is good. I played through a little bit today and translated some more.

Made some updates to the PSX Anime List. Mostly just adding counters and link-backs on all the game pages. Also linked some game pages to relevant games over at Anime Video Games. I don't think anyone really visits the PSX Anime List even though there is some good information there. The realm of anime and games is too saturated with igns and gamefaqs. I think there are a lot of cool pages out there with very little exposure. Of course I don't think I've even ubmitted the page to dmoz, so I can't complain too much. I'll have to try to promote it a little.
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11/08/2006

I've been neglecting my blog in a terrible way. I've been going through some ups and downs, mostly with my self-image and trying to make positive changes. A friend lent me 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, which I thought was going to be a lame business oriented self-help book, but it turns out to be really cool, at least 50 pages in or so.

This is only preliminary but I have been contacted by someone about working on Lady Sword for the PCE. Shhh! Don't tell anyone, but I may have technical assistance for it! Keep your fingers crossed!

Also very, very good news, the beta testing for Magic Engine FX has begun and I am one of the lucky ones included in the testing process! It's a lot of fun to check out these games on the PC which have only been playable on the original hardware and see them working. There are still kinks to work out, don't know how long it will be, but there is already a third beta version that has addressed some issues since the first two. Compatibility is pretty good, there are quite a few games that play without a hitch, and few that don't really play at all, but there are definitely some of both.

I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind last night. It was really good, it only lost my interest very breifly in the middle where it was jumping around a lot inside the charater's head as he was trying to save his memories from being erased. I got a little worried that we weren't really going to get to know about the character's relationship as deeply as it seemed like we should, but my fears were put to rest as the movie wrapped up.
3 comments

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