WELCOME to the personal home page/blog of Matthew La France. Please enjoy your stay.

8/29/2004

I just wrote a big thing on why I do fan translations of games. I know that why I wrote it was not just to confirm to myself why I work on translations, but also why I might or might not do artwork.

I keep thinking the same things over and over, and I am more confidant every time I think to myself that I, in fact, only do artwork to be praised. I know that this is how I've dealt with my insecurities in th past, and I guess that is why I feel insecure now. Which leaves me with two things, how do I deal with my insecurites? and do I do artwork? (and if so, why?)

Artwork is very difficult to do. It is time consuming and frustrating. There are lots of reasons to feel like stopping, not finishing, or giving up. I wrote about feeling this way doing fan translations too, there are many times when it's hard to keep going. I also wrote that when I stop, and take a break, eventually I keep going. I keep going because I want to finish it. I think about how cool it would be for that game to be translated and I do something about it.

Puting artwork in that same situation, how does it look? I think about how I might be able to impress someone (be it business related or personal) with my artwork. I start doing artwork. I stop doing artwork. Am I going to start doing that artwork again because I really want to impress someone? No, because there isn't really anyone to impress.

So I'm having a crisis of desire, or motivation if there is a difference. Wouldn't it be cool if "so-and-so"...working toward making that happen, with that goal in mind. Even if it is hard, to keep doing it because I want it to be finished, and I am willing to put the work into it. But maybe just doing a story or even just a picture, because it would be "cool" is not enough of a goal. Or there is not enogh of a reward (playing the translated game), other than narcissistically enjoying my own accomplishment.

Or maybe my insecurites are interfering. If I realize that I can't deal with my insecurites by doing artwork, then my artwork is subject to my insecurites. If I can put my insecurites aside and do it, then just going straight forward is good enough. So puting insecurites aside, if neither pride nor "coolness" are my goal, what still is the motivation, or desire that will let me overcome the hardship of doing art?

I'm sure I don't know this answer yet, but perhaps it could be simply a matter of focusing on a venue, no matter how ridiculous. I want to be working for a Japanese comic company, or I want to publish stuff in Heavy Metal, or I want to release something at Comiket. If I want that hard enough, even if it is difficult, maybe I could work towards it and keep doing it. In that case pride and insecurity could possibly be put aside, and I could focus on creatively exploring how I can contrubute to my venue.

I think that has to be the only way I can move forward.
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8/26/2004

Not much new, I've been pretty busy working. I'm just about done watching Cooking Master Boy, at least what I've found of it translated. I finally got to the episodes that I had seen when I was in Japan, episodes 43 and 46 I remember fairly clearly.

Episodes 17-19 of Aishteru ze Baby finally came out so I watched those too. It's an emotional show, so it's hard to watch, but it's pretty good. Better than DearS which hasn't been very funny since the first couple episodes. It's like a slapstick comedy that is trying to be a love drama and isn't working. 2x2 Shinobuden hasn't been great recently either though it's held up slightly better than DearS. At least it's still trying to be funny, but it falls flat on occation.

What has been way better then any of that was Magical Play. I watched the first DVD of that and was very impressed. It started of slapstick, but the humor is varied, and some of it is rather dark. The blackness of the comedy, and the strength of the drama when it tries to be dramatic is very novel and satisfying. I'd really like to see more.
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8/19/2004

I feel like things might finally be looking up, even if they still aren't looking good. I should have a job of some sort within a week. I'm going to make a very small update to my page concerning my current translation projects maybe tonight or tomorrow, just to bring it up to speed. I have been enjoying checking Aeon Genesis Translation Projects, recently. It's nice to see a translation group releasing so much stuff. I don't know where Gideon finds the time... :P
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8/11/2004

For anyone that cares, Danzig has a new album coming out at the end of the month, and Ministry just released a new one late in June. I haven't heard Ministry's yet, though I did check for it at BestBuy last time I was there but it didn't look like they had it. :P
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8/08/2004

I'm getting sick of thinking about life. Or maybe thinking has just become brooding... I've been doing some good work on Energy Breaker recently. I finally finished watching Saishu Heiki Kanojo. Other than that not much going on. I'm just sick of feeling like my life isn't going anywhere. I need to find out what makes me happy and make sure that I do a lot of it. I need to remember that it's probably not pastimes, but taking care of myself that is going to make me the happiest. I guess I better try to take better care of myself than I have been.
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8/03/2004

This is kind of a frivolous post but this was just too much fun. ;) I finally made myself a signature file for use on message boards. A while ago I found this gum in Japan called LaFrance gum. My last name is La France so I thought this was really cool. Recenlty I have discovered that this is a type of pear, or possibly just what the Japanse call the western pear, the "LaFrance" pear. I also found some screen shots for a Japaese television ad for this pear flavored gum, so here it is:



^_^
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